Culture Lesson In Living and Dying

While talking about the differences between the U.S. and Bolivia when it comes to funerals and the grieving process of the dead is an usual topic to discuss in a grammar class, it is quite relevant due to the passing of Tom’s mother as well as the upcoming Dìa de Los Muertos that is celebrated on November 2nd throughout Latin America and is a national holiday for Bolivia (I also do not have classes that day).

I was quite surprised when my teacher used to the word "falso" (fake or untrue) describe the funeral and grieving process in the United States. While I have never attended a funeral or had any immediate family member of mine pass away (Gracias a Dìos), I do believe that I have a firm grasp on what this process is to firmly see the differences between Bolivia and the United States in this topic - it is quite fascinating. Is it fake? Well you can decide that:

First, the simple language and spirit toward the dead here is different. In the States, it is better to say the dead has "passed away" or "left us." Here, no such phrase exists, merely "they died." Also in Bolivia, although sad and sometimes traumatic for those close to the dead, the deaths are celebrated. So much so that they have a special day reserved for going to the cemetery and bringing all of the favorite food of the person with them, knowing that on this day the dead is with them and celebrating with them. It is one huge party to celebrate with the living and the dead, all day long. Having a table in the house with all the dead person(s) favorite food for this day is also quite common, which the people here believe that the dead comes from the heavens to the windows to feast along with the family.

In the United States, there are two options after a person has died: cremation or burial. After cremation, the remains are either scattered in a location or are placed in the possession of someone in a fancy vase, container, etc. The burial consists of a coffin that is either half open or closed during the funeral, the funeral of which is anywhere from 4 to 9 days after the person has died, a process possible through preserving the body by "bombing" it with chemicals. If the coffin is half opened, the face is covered with makeup and the dead is generally wearing nicer clothes or their favorite clothes, in attempt to make the person appear as they did when they were living. At times, the coffin may consist of the person’s favorite items when they were alive such as a book, football, stuffed animal, etc. Correct me if I am wrong on this part, but depending on the ceremony, the coffin is either placed into the ground during the ceremony or after when everyone has left. Either way, all of the ground is placed over the coffin and the final burial is completed without anyone present.

In Bolivia, after a person has died, there are three options: immediate cremation, immediate underground burial, or placement of the coffin in what are called "niches" for five years and after five years, the coffin is taken out and the body is exhumed and cremated, with the ashes being placed in a container and the container permanently being planted in burial ground along with thousands of other small containers (this is the same after immediate cremation). A niche is an insert in a giant wall that is located within a burial ground. The niche is covered by a door, in which the body is placed in the wall. The only thing that I can compare this to, while morbid, is a giant filing cabinet in which bodies are placed in the wall, each with their own door, and a plaque is placed on the outside with the information about the person, date, etc. I believe I have seen these in the States, while rare, but I believe they are permanent - the bodies and plaque will not be removed after 5 years and a new body inserted in the "vault." Someone can feel free to correct me if I am wrong.

Immediate cremation and immediate burial are only for the very wealthy here because both are very expensive - particularly the burial because land here is a precious commodity. In Bolivia, it is very hard to have that much money that quickly to pay for a burial or cremation, particularly for such a poor area in which nothing runs on credit. Thus, the third option, that of placing the body in a niche and exhuming the body 5 years later, is the most common for Bolivians. The niche is cheaper and it allows the family time to save up money to get afford cremating the body and also allow a resting place for the body. If, after five years, no one has the money to pay for a cremation, a fourth option is available - completely mortifying to think about: the body is placed in a bag and put on a boat, sent to an island in which it is dumped. Bolivia does not have a coast line nor does it have any islands around, so I have no clue where exactly the boat is or where it goes, but I really did not want to ask.

Regardless of the option, the body is kept in the person’s house for a day or so until the ceremony that precedes the cremation, burial, or placement in the niche. Because the "bombing" process in order to preserve the body that we have in the States is also expensive, any ceremony happens within two days of the person’s death, even if not every family member can make it. (When we were on our Santa Cruz trip, the father of our driver Carlos died but because he was far away from home, he was unable to make it back in time for the funeral because they had it the very next day.) For the ceremony, the body is placed in a coffin, even if it will be cremated, the coffin of which has small window on the top of it(no bigger than the size of your hand) so that those attending the ceremony can view the dead and say goodbye if they wish. As described earlier, this is drastically different than the half open casket of the U.S. The body within the casket does not have on any makeup, does not have items they possessed when they were alive, and the body is not wearing fancy clothes, simply the clothes they had on when they died. If the person died while in the hospital, the body usually still has its hospital gown on. According to my professor, this is just an acceptance of life and death, not to pretend that the body is something that it is not and that it still contains the spirit of the person by placing makeup or clothes on the body - why she calls the U.S. process "falso."

After the ceremony, everyone returns to their homes and some stay to grieve with the family for the evening. Here in Latin America, it is usual that for the passing of an older person, the closest relatives, particularly the women, will wear nothing but black for one year as part of the mourning process. After the one year, what I believe is a result of the year grieving process, it custom to celebrate the life of the dead, particularly on the Day of the Dead, or Dìa de los Muertos.

As a closing note to these insights, I do believe that the niche option is particularly traumatic (one that I will thankfully never have to go through) and it is just another horrible thing that people have to endure in their lives simply because they are poor. Juana, my host mom here in Bolivia, lost her 12 year old son 6 years ago through what I only know was an "accident." (I hope to find out what this accident was by the time I leave in December...it is just not something you can bring up any time). Often Juana speaks of her "hijo" while pointing to the heavens; I can tell that he was a real joy in her life and through stories, he was an amazing, loveable, and spirited, yet typical,12 year old. The death was extremely hard for her in which she battled years of depression. Last night when we were knitting together (something we do on occasion), I talked to her about what I had learned in class about the burial options. She told me that when her son died, they chose the niche option and because last year was the 5 year anniversary of the death, she had to revisit the experience of losing her son all over again by viewing her son’s body being exhumed from the niche and from the coffin. (WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS NOT FOR WEAK STOMACHS) She told me that when they took the body out, the bones were so small and fragile that when they picked up the body, the bones in the arms broke. She told me that it took her a long time to not think about this when she would think about her son and all the good that he brought to her and her family’s life. Now, the ashes of her son’s body are located in a burial ground which we will visit next Tuesday at 6:00am in the morning for Dìa de Los Muertos.

So call it what you will - "falso" or just different type of culture - all I know is that before Bolivia I would have never thought that such aspect of our lives would vary so much from culture to culture and that I would actually look forward to celebrating the life of the dead with my family next Thursday, experiencing such an important part of the Latin American culture and being a part of something that has such a profound impact on my host family’s every day life.