Gracias A Dios para mi vida

For the past couple of days now, I have been working on a blog entry telling you all about my trip a little more than a week ago. Today I had planned to post it, but I am not quite in the mood to do so.

The reason is that today I am extremely sad. This life is not easy here. Even more so, today was the worst day that I have had at the institute here thus far, as I am moving from great comprehension in everyday usage of the spanish language to becoming advanced, finding more and more difficulty in maintaining what I have learned and at the same time progressing further into a native speaker. It may be hard for those who have not studied a second language to comprehend, but I am told by those that have that this is a completely normal process...particuarly in the 6th week of language school, which I am in at this moment. Oh joy.

At the same time, I find it very difficult to express my frustrations to my family here in Bolivia because I feel so very guilty for feeling frustrated, for thinking that this is a major problem in my life, when at the same time I hear stories of, and see here on a daily basis, the hard and difficult Bolivian life. So many people here are struggling, completely re-defining my defintion of the verb "to struggle." The health care is bad; my professor here told me about a doctor that continues to practice medicine depsite the fact that he has killed 3 young children before due to his negligence when using anesthesia...and there is not system for reprocussion for the families here. No money from the doctor, nothing. In the States, this means a nice big fat check for the family AND the doctor is not able to continue to practice medicine...particularly after the 3rd time of killing a child. One child went in to fix his broken finger and thirty minutes later, the family was told that their son died. He didn´t even need anesthesia to fix the finger, but he was given it anyway, and died from the doctor´s negligence when giving it to him. It is so expensive to go to the doctor here, combined with the distrust of the medical system, it is wonder why people are dying everyday because they either can´t aford to go or they are too afraid to go to the doctor. At the same time, there are protests here and bloqueos that block the passage of food and water throughout the country in order to make a point with the government. Some days it is a mystery as to whether we are going to have water or not. Even so, there are a lot of people here in Cochabamba that do not have water in their houses; I see them bathing everyday in the river that passes by my house as I walk to the institute for my classes. The water is not safe enough for me to drink, but for these people, it is used for the many purposes in their everyday life - drinking, bathing, washing animals, and washing their clothes. These are just a few examples of the many that I see and hear on an everyday basis.

Despite everything that these people experience here, and although they have accepted that this is the way their life is (which frustrates me - why won´t they work for change?), they have an amazing sense of optimism and hope in the future. My professora actually said to me today (of course in spanish), "it´s okay Michelle, this is the way life is for Bolivia, but I have hope and confidence that it will one day change." Do I have the same hope for these people? If I was in the same situation, would I say the same thing as my professora? Today was the first time that I actually questioned my strength to continue working and serving with these people for the 2 1/2 years.

So I am sorry for not posting photos of smiling faces, beautiful places, and a trip of a lifetime that I was only able to take because the program I am with and support system I have here in Bolivia is financially secure. I know I will in the future, but not today. Right now, I am just living in the moment and repeating the phrase that is constantly said by Bolivians "Gracias A Dios" or Thanks to God , particuarly for mi vida (my life) and the life of all those I love.

Thanks for your understanding and patience, reading my roller coster ride of emotions - M